a bittersweet chaos

Question: If a friend or relative makes a racist or homophobic remark, do you tend to confront them or let it slide? Are you more likely to confront them if it offends you directly or someone else who seems reluctant to speak up?

Answer: If a friend makes a racist or homophobic remark, I will confront them. It is their opinion in the end, but I will question it and spark a conversation about it.  It doesn’t matter if it does or doesn’t offend me or if someone else doesn’t speak up. I will say something if I want to, it’s in my nature.  I strongly believe that we need to be less ignorant and more accepting in this world.

Unfortunately, the opposite is true when it comes to family and relatives.  It’s difficult for me to confront a relative because of my culture and family dynamics. I was raised to respect your elders and to never speak back.  While I don’t always obey the “respect your elders”, this is kept to myself. As for never speaking back, that I must follow. Misbehavior on my part reflects directly upon my parents, and these relatives are their brothers, sisters, and parents. A few cousins, only one that is older than me, and the others that are younger than me, I will confront. This is okay because they are younger than me (except the one that’s older, but him and I have a very open and honest relationship and I can yell at him for anything. He’s the one I’m closest to).  The younger cousins, I believe I can and should say something, because their view on society is still being shaped, and I want to provide a different perspective from the rest of the family. If I can influence one of them to be less ignorant and more accepting, then I’m happy.  My relatives (aunts, uncles, grandparents, and some cousins) are all racist and homophobic.  It bothers me a great deal, but after failed attempts at speaking with my mother about it, I know better than to confront them about it.  They are set in their ways and there’s nothing I can do about it.  It makes my skin crawl when they make offensive comments, so I walk away because I can’t be around it. Some people might call me a coward, but after 24 years, I recognize it is a battle that I can never win.

How about you?