a bittersweet chaos

Feeling bruised and battered
I’m damaged and tortured.
Been marred and pained,
Am now resentful and suffering.
Feeling abandoned and deceived
Been mislead and broken.
Left desolate and unassisted,
Lonely, forsaken, and friendless

The only choice left is to return to that which is safe…
Rebuild it, higher than ever.
Guard and provide sanctuary for that which is most precious.
I will retire into this place…withdrawn from those that destroy a soul.
Resolved and settled into the shadow
Concealed and never to be freed again.

★ Originally written on March 18, 2005

© 2009 ML

I walk again down an unknown path
Feeling lost despite the clear path.
Temptations taunt me to the wayward,
It’s much too difficult to remain
And so I stray and stay awhile.

But alas! Time is wasted!
I realize this once again.
The panic rises, breathing stops.
I scamper back to my unknown path
Towards an unknown land.
Try as I might I cannot resist the wayward tempts
Continuing to walk, traveling along the empty path
My eyes stray to the side, but my feet continue.

Will I ever find my land of dreams?
My land of peace?
I do not know,
I can only continue down this path
And hope that one day, It will appear.

© 2009 ML

No puedo pensar, solamente siento dolor
Quiero llorar pero no hay más lágrimas.
Quiero el lugar oscuro, donde nadie puede encontrarme,
Donde no siento mas dolor.
El lugar de muerte.

Translation:
I cannot think, I only hurt
I want to cry but I have no more tears
I want the dark, where no one can find me,
Where I feel no more pain.
The place of death.

★ I wrote this about four years ago, I had been through a lot emotionally and was heartbroken over a boy on top of it, then add on the stresses of school with a young, naive mind, and this is the result
★ Thanks to Yadie for her help with the Spanish and translation, making sure I had it all right! and to citygirl912 for help with translating the title

© 2009 ML

Shrouded in lies, she pulls the veil tighter around her
Hiding her face from the bright slants of reality
Into darkness she fades
The more she slips, the harder she falls
The further the light disappers into the distance
Unable to pull herself up again, she curls
Arms around her calves, forehead to her knees
Ever gently the tears roll from the corner of her eyes
Softly streaming down her cheeks
Broken again
Ever tighter she pulls the veil to cover her face
The darkness grasps her tighter
The constriction around her heart strengthens
A strangle escapes, echoing against the darkness
It’s clear she’s broken

As the tears slow, she stiffly uncurls
Placing the lies back into place
She stands up rigid, looking for the light
Walking towards it, she walls up against the madness
Pushing roughly at the darkness
Creating a light of fabrication
The cracks threatening to split
A fury brewing
She continues on until another slip

© 2009 ML