a bittersweet chaos

So I decided to sit at Starbuck’s today, just to pass the time. I have responded to emails, updated my calendar, and played games so far. Unfortunately, this Starbuck’s doesn’t have free Wi-Fi so I’m just stuck. Bummer … I didn’t want to pay $9.99 for a day pass. I mean, why bother? When I do have my own internet service at home? I figure, getting out of the apartment is good enough. It’s odd. I’m on the 2nd floor of the Starbuck’s … actually, after climbing all those stairs, it would be the 4th but the first floor has a high ceiling so technically it’s the second. Why am I sharing this? I have no idea. I’m sure you are not interested in the least. But I guess it’s a setup. I chose a seat by the window, overlooking the corner of H St and 7th. It’s smack in the middle of Chinatown. It’s been interesting because there’s a protest for anti-abortion going on today so I’ve been watching them walk by. It’s interesting to watch life.

The view from my seat at Starbucks

I can’t believe I’m here … in DC. This is the craziest and least thought-over decision I have ever made in my life. For once, I’m following that tiny whisper in my head that tells me to go for it and follow my heart and desires. Not thinking it through may not be the smartest idea, but I’m only 22. I figure this has gotta be the right time to take this risk. Just as my mom put it, “You’re going to regret this if you don’t do it. You’re going to look back on it and wish that you did.” Well, I don’t like to regret, and I never have. So, here I am … sitting in Starbuck’s, in Downtown DC, staring at my new surroundings and hoping that somehow, I make this work. Am I insane? Yea, probably. But these are the risks that make life fun and interesting right? These are the risks you take to change your life… right? ::scared laugh:: Deep breathes, that’s what I’ve been telling myself.

I had my final interview with a company today. I have a conditional offer, on the contingent that my background check gets approved. I thought it already had, but now I’m not sure. I’m a bit nervous about this one, not for the drug test, or the background check, or even the credit check. I’m simply concerned about my driving record, because for this company, it does matter. I hope it works out. How did I end up in a place where I can’t even remember my own driving record? Oh my. It was interesting though, towards the end of this interview, I was so unsure of what he thought. Some people, you can just tell when they like you and are interested in potentially hiring you. Well, after the last interview of not being able to tell, I said forget it, I’m not going through this again. So I asked him, “Is there anything else that I can tell you? Or any concerns that you have that I can address now?” He was surprised I think, that I took the initiative to sell myself more and to tackle any possibility of a rejection. Oh man…

I had the most intense series of interviews yesterday. It was with a different company, one that I do admire and would like to work with. I met with 2 Associates in the program, got a tour of the facilities, then interviewed with the VP of Sales & Marketing, then another interview with the VP of Operations, then another with the VP of Customer Service. How did this day end? With a final interview … with the President. I’ve never had to remind myself to breathe so much in my life. I truly am unsure. But, I will say I believe I did everything I could to sell myself. So at least I can walk away from that, knowing I gave it my all. I chased it down for three, almost four months, to get the opportunity to get to this stage. I think I’ve done everything I can to demonstrate that I want it. We’ll see…

I got to have lunch with Turtle today. It was great to see a familiar face here in DC. It’s been difficult because she’s so busy as a law student. It was nice to catch up and just hear funny stories in her life. It made me feel a bit more relaxed in this city. It’s amazing how the people around you can make you feel a certain way. My roommate gets in this Thursday night. It’s gonna be so nice to have someone else in the apartment, and not have to listen to my own breathing or talk to myself. Yea, I talk to myself … it doesn’t make me crazy! We all do it, whether we like to admit it or not. The layout of the apartment is nice .. the rooms are on opposite sides of the apartment so there is a large degree of separation if needed, like if we needed alone time. Plus, I can watch TV and play music without it blasting through the wall into his room. The living room is actually quite large. I like the layout of my room. I’m still trying to figure out what to put on the walls. I don’t think I’m going to do that until I find a job. It’ll make it really final for me, that I’ve moved to DC.

Haha … I love this city. After seeing countless people walk by with anti-abortion signs, I just saw a guy walk by with a sign saying “Keep Abortion Legal”. Free speech rocks … and being in a place where change does happen, where politics truly exists, is so exciting. It gives me goosebumps. =)

This is so neat, just looking around. Because it’s Chinatown, all of the stores have their names in English, and in Chinese. I can actually read some of it! Haha, it makes me happy to know that I haven’t lost all of it since I left Shanghai and stopped using the written/reading skills I had acquired.

I’m surrounded by college students … undergrad, grad, it’s crazy. I blend in with them … but I’m not one of them. Dude, having graduated is weird. I’m not a student anymore. Odd. I also miss my friends back at good ‘ol state. They’re all out there, having a great time together … and I’ve gone away. I know how you felt now Rizzle.

This is a crazy feeling … I miss the old life, the college life, the familiarity of it all, even Denver … but the excitement is finally starting to grow as the fear slowly starts to fade, or at least move into the background. I can feel the excitement, the anticipation building.

This is it … a new year, new possibilities … this is my time now.